Why I write today

read time: 1 min. approx

To blog or not to blog? That is the question that has plagued my mind month after month. After a longstanding existential bout with myself over my reasons for blogging, I unplugged and completely deleted a project that I had been working on for months.

I started writing again out of necessity. A need to write. It started after a conversation with my friend Matt. The conversation happened almost a year ago, but I keep coming back to it even now. In that conversation I remember Matt asking me:  How do you want to live?

No joke, that’s the kind of straightforward friend he is.
I couldn’t come up with an eloquent answer, and the only word I could think of saying was: more.
It didn’t make sense at the time; but, as I write, it is starting to become clear what exactly “more” really means. At least, what it means to me now.
I want to be:

1. more compassionate

What a powerful word! To me, right now, this means to live more along with people, shoulder to shoulder. It means that I need to be more patient with the people that have been placed in my life (people who undoubtedly are already patient enough with me), to hear them out, and to listen to what they have to say without needing to respond. I want to cultivate a mindfulness of compassion, moment by moment.

2. more capable

I want to understand the world around me more, and I want to be able to live and to participate in it in a real way. I want to try things that I am bad at, but I also want to take what I am good at and blow it out of the water.

3. more  focused

I desire greater focus for the tasks laid before me. Why? If being productive means reading about productivity, then I am a productivity master. In reality, I too easily allow myself to be swamped with the anxiety of todo lists and calendars. I desire a focus in my life that will allow me to be fruitful with the time given to me for work so that I can be generous all the time that is left. I need a stronger sense of presence both at work and at play.And that’s why I will write. I will write to hold myself accountable to change, and I will write to perceive this change in myself.

You, the reader

Perhaps more important than the task of writing for myself is you, the reader. I could write all these sweet, little personal revelations in my own journal and lock that away in a old drawer somewhere. Instead, I’m writing here. This medium makes my words a little more real, both for you and me.

I’m writing to you out there who might be a little like me. Maybe something I write here will click with you and set you on a different path to doing something amazing.

I’m writing to you out there who might feel a little stuck or overwhelmed. I hope that something I write will help you to see that you are not really stuck. You are just on the verge of a breakthrough.

This is a blog of practice and shared discovery. It is not the platform of a know-it-all to know-nothings, but the recordings of a know-something to other know-somethings.

And, most importantly, this is only just the first little  post. It is just the first step of many more… on the way to more.